The abstract introvert

(Is it me?!)

A trip on the train today to London to see this, also gave me the time to read some more of this book.  I thoroughly recommend them both!

reindeer bone



mammoth tusk...

I've come home with pages and pages of sketches in my little sketchbook, some interesting and inspiring thoughts about abstract art (something that's been noodling around in my head for a few weeks now anyway) mixed up with deep thoughts about the tricky business of being an introvert in an extrovert world.

I was brought up (a) in a largely extrovert family, and (b) with the understanding that work should be useful - and by useful I mean in a very obvious, tangible, practical way - e.g. being a doctor, scientist, teacher etc.  So it's only natural that I've always struggled with being (a) an introvert, and (b) someone who creates things.  See?  I can't even write "artist"!

So to see the evidence - that 40,000 years ago people were carving both abstract and realistic forms from mammoth tusks and bones - imagining things, ideas - and representing them using lines, dots, curves - well, that must make it OK to be someone who creates things.  Yes?

more mammoth...

The abstract thing?  I struggle with expressing myself, artistically.  Most of what I stitch is for teaching purposes, not self-expression.  Whenever I try doing something personal, I struggle because I keep trying to make pictures or useful things or recognisable things. 
But the big thing about this exhibition was to show that the abstract forms and decorations created thousands upon thousands of years ago are just like the abstract forms and decorations created now.  Alongside the carved mammoth tusks and reindeer bones were modern abstract sketches, paintings and sculptures. 

And I think I'm beginning to understand.  Some of the words in the exhibition described abstraction as requiring an "imaginative mind - to be able to symbolise and give meaning to form wtihout being realistic". 

So as well as it being OK to create things, it's OK to create things that might or might not look like recognisable things.  Yes?!

And finally the introversion thing.  Is it hard to be an artist and an introvert?  Is it because I like to keep my thoughts to myself that I find myself "stuck" with my art?  Is it an inability to express my innermost thoughts, a subconscious refusal to express my thoughts, or just that I have no thoughts worth expressing?!

And is it just part of being an introvert, that whenever I create something and put it "out there", I will then be wracked with self-doubt?  Do extrovert artists have an easier time of it?

If you don't know whether you're an introvert or extrovert, or what type of introvert/extrovert you are, have a go at this little quiz.  I love this stuff!

The need for ten sketchbooks...

Much to the relief of my family, who no longer have to listen to my rants, self-justifications, ponderings and despairing, I think I've cracked this whole stuckness thing.  Well, at least for now... 

I need ten sketchbooks!

To explain, I need to go back a bit.

One of the reasons I was stuck was a (self-imposed?) need to create some sort of impressive, artistic, professional-sounding "body of work".  I met a couple of textile artists (or "artistes") at the weekend and tried to talk sketchbooks and art and inspiration, but the Girl and I (she had to come too, with the promise of Hobbycraft later if she was good and polite) came away, escaped into the street, looked at each other and said "what?" 

We both concluded that there is an awful lot of  something rude out there about sketchbooks, and art and inspiration and Bodies of Work, and it is very easy for the Terrified to be Even More Terrified at just the language used.  Maybe that's the intention, to stop other people trying to be artists too, but that's what it's been achieving around here.

Until now!

I did a bit of brainstorming, trying to decide on a Theme to explore and drew about five huge mindmaps, and they all merged into each other as I don't want to leave anything out.  So then I looked at recurring themes, and wrote a list.  And then I tried to distill the list, but it still stayed quite big.  So then I decided

I need 10 sketchbooks.  One for each thing.  I don't have to choose.

(1) Colour

(2) Seashore

(3) Trees and branches

(4) Leaves and seeds

(5) Landscape and place

(6) Circles

(7) Pattern and symbols

(8) Birds

(9) Hounds

(10) Home

And already it's as if a great weight has been lifted. 

If I want to draw leaves all the time, that's just fine - they can go in the leaf sketchbook. 

If I want to start playing with maps and pictures of hillsides, that's great - landscape and place is the place for them.  If I have a burning desire to play with circles, hooray for the circles book!

And if I want to play with patterns and spirals into the pattern book you go

(except no you don't Mr Pink Squiggles, because you are a teaching sample for whip stitch and feather stitch...)

What a relief.  I can just do what I want to, without worrying about not settling on a Theme - everything I am interested in has a place to be, and hopefully over time the 10 sketchbooks will altogether add up to a HUGE Body of Work.

Miraculously, doing the mindmaps answered one other massive question, one I've wrestled with for years - what is my message, what am I trying to say? 

I want to say:

ISN'T NATURE WONDERFUL?

In art-speak, you could say my work is "a response to the ugliness, cynicism, superficiality and transience of the modern world, celebrating the power and permanence of nature".  But I prefer the short version.

Thank you for all the very kind and encouraging comments from my last post - and sorry if I was unable to reply to you - I can't work out Blogger sometimes...